The Break Up

I asked him yesterday something pretty lame and somewhat fishing-for-some-affectionish:

After viewing the terribly disappointing movie, The Break Up, I said to him, "Wouldn't it be so sad if we broke up." to which he replied "Yes, very sad."

I couldn't help but wonder then and now if things like the break up of a relationship can affect someone as much if they've been through such things as divorce. Did he think in his head that "Yes, it would be sad but I would get over it eventually"? He's been through some fairly difficult situations with his ex-wife and the other woman that I don't know what to call. Is all of that working to my disadvantage (and possibly his advantage)?

I can't help but feel sometimes that my experience with him is and will continue to be molded by his experiences with them. Yes, this is true for all past relationships... but for some reason, and maybe it's simply because I am drawn to all things obsessive and neurotic, I wonder if past engagements and marriage have an even stronger effect on who we are a couple are and what we will become.

I feel as if I will always be the one compared to those two... because those two meant enough to ask the question of. How scary to imagine being in a relationship with someone who asked that question twice and who probably has no interest in ever asking it again. Sometimes I like to tell myself that I wouldn't want it anyways... but I'm unsure if that's true. Definitely not now or even close to now... but my staff member says that even if I knew I wanted something for sure, I would never say it out loud, probably wouldn't even admit it to myself.

On another note, often I say that I am neurotic and obssessive. Is it truly obssessive and neurotic to wonder these things? I don't think so. I think I definitely distance myself when I am particularly insecure and that is a problem for sure. But I think it's not so terribly unrealistic or impractical to wonder about these things... I think I'm babbling and its because it s Friday afternoon.

I will write every day even if it makes no sense.
I will write every day even if I'm the only one reading this.
I will write every day even if only one paragraph.